Time to Time Travel

I’ll turn forty-five years old on New Year’s Eve.

Truthfully, I’ve been dreading it for months. Getting older is never easy to accept. I guess we all wrestle with it in our own way, but I’ve never been as adverse to it as I am lately. I’m struggling with this one. It’s a fairly daunting milestone to me. I’ve crested the hill. I’m on the downslope to fifty, which is something I can’t even begin to fathom. 

To be clear, I’m not having a midlife crisis. I’m confident in who I am and at peace with the choices I’ve made over the years. In short, I don’t have regrets. I also have an incredible wife and two amazing sons. We’re happy and healthy and when I step back and observe from a distance, there is zero doubt in my mind that we have a lovely life together. I’m happiest when I’m with them and I’m thankful for how fortunate I am.

Still, I’ve felt an increasing obligation to focus on a part of my life that I’d never given much thought to before. A part that has always been there, but that I’ve never needed to worry about until now. 

Time.

Time has pushed its way to the forefront of many of my decisions. It’s shifted from an arbitrary variable to an invaluable commodity that’s possibly in short supply. Yes, I know that sounds dramatic. Yes, I know I’m not that old. Yes, I know I likely have many, many years to live, but my concern is not necessarily focused on how much time I have left, but more so on how I utilize it. 

When you’re young, you have all the time in the world. It’s not something you worry about. Because of that, you’re afforded the grace to be somewhat flippant with how you spend your days. There’s more forgivable room to make mistakes. If you do make an error in judgment, it's easier to pivot and change directions if need be. You can course-correct whenever you like because you’re not under it. Yes, the clock is still ticking, but it’s not at a decibel level that registers. You’re immune from hearing it.

That changes as you age. The security of unawareness slowly deteriorates. You start to hear the hands rotating around the dial and, at least for me, an urgency is created that requires you to consistently address it. I feel compelled to be more on top of it. I need to know the purpose of where I’m going and what I’m doing, more so than I ever have in the past. I want my time to be accountable. I want my time to be meaningful.

And given the current state of the world, allocating my time responsibly has taken on great importance in my day-to-day decision-making. I’ve spent the last few months reflecting on how I spend my time and what I want to get out of my time. It’s been a constant exercise, but not taxing by any means. Self-reflection is critical to happiness and although it’s been a process, I’ve found myself coming to some conclusions that are positive and healthy for me and the person I need to be for my family.

I’ll start by being honest. I’m a liberal. It’s not a secret and fair warning that my opinions on this blog will likely lean that way. Technically, I’m a registered Democrat, but given the outcome of the 2024 election, I’m not sure I sit in that camp any longer. More on that in future posts, but for now, I just want to be transparent about what direction I’m coming from. There’s no point in muddying the water when discussing any of this and I’m committed to being as honest and open as possible when engaging with others.

The above being said, I obviously did not vote for Donald Trump. To be more clear, I believe as a country, we’ve made a very serious, if not grave mistake electing him to office for a second term. That belief is based on my own opinions, which were formed from a careful examination of his track record as a businessman, politician, and simply as a human being. As a proponent of critical thinking, rational thought, and the importance of a well-rounded education, I can assure you I have done my due diligence to reach my opinions. 

And before anyone asserts that I’m a brainwashed liberal, I can assure you I am not, nor will I ever be, a sheep that is indoctrinated by partisan media and force-fed an opinion or political stance that I have not thoroughly and responsibly vetted myself. Over the last year, I have allocated just as much time to right-leaning institutions and media groups as I have to their counterparts on the left. The goal of this exercise was to provide the conservative right with an opportunity to explain what it is I may be missing, but they consistently failed to convince me that voting for Trump was in either my own or the country’s best interest.

But here we are, and in all honesty, I’m not angry with the outcome. I’m concerned, yes, but I’m not of the opinion that every Trump voter is evil or anti-American. Most are hard-working, decent people, in search of the same prosperity and opportunity as the rest of us. If anything, I think the outcome of this election spoke more to the dissatisfaction and despair of a majority of Americans, than it did to our perceived differences. It was not a referendum on Democrats or a signal that Trump’s positions are correct. The overall sentiment I get when speaking to people on the left and the right is that neither candidate was ideal. As a result, some held their noses and reluctantly voted for what they perceived as the lesser of two evils, while a whole lot of others (clearly evidenced by the low turnout numbers) decided to simply not participate. 

That’s the most concerning piece to me, and as much as I want to sit on a high horse and shun responsibility for how we got here as a country, I know I cannot. Regardless of what liberal institutions, policies, parties, candidates, organizations, authors, or ideals I believe in, the crux of it is that none of what I or anyone else has done or said is enough. Yes, some among us are truly in the trenches working to make the world a better place, but they are too few and far between. If we’re really being honest with ourselves, too many of us are simply rooting from the sidelines. That’s not going to get us anywhere near where we need to be and it certainly serves to antagonize those that disagree with us more than it does to convince them of the singular truth that we should all be focusing on. Whether we like it or not, we’re all in this together.

So, that leads me back to time. Specifically, how I’m going to be spending my time.

During my months of self-reflection, I decided to make several changes in my daily life that I’ll share here. These may not work for you, but if you feel overwhelmed by everything that is happening, I encourage you to give them a try. They are working for me, so they may help you.

The first is regarding my phone. Perhaps this will sound like a, “Get off my lawn” moment, but things were a lot different when I was younger, and I’m starting to think perhaps it was for the better. 

I’m not anti-technology. I’ve worked in the tech industry as my day-to-day job for nearly twenty years. Technology has undoubtedly improved many facets of our lives, but all progress comes at a price. Sometimes it takes years to recognize when exactly we’re paying it, but I’ve come to believe that maybe that time is now.

The internet and social media are intertwined with our lives. Until a few months ago, I, like many others, was spending far too many hours scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and other apps. I was engrossed by election coverage and the terrible daily news that generally accompanies it. My phone was in my face all the time and it wasn’t until we purchased our oldest son his own phone that I finally recognized how much I was consuming. Trying to be responsible parents, we’d put limitations on his screen time, which led him to inevitably question why there were no limits on our screen time. I had no rebuttal to offer, and when I curiously looked at my usage trends, I was appalled at how much time I was spending online. As always, the child’s mind has an uncanny knack for putting things into true perspective.

And that’s when I put my phone down. There are far more productive ways to use my time. Doom scrolling to try to stay “informed” is not one of them. Read a book. Have a conversation with a loved one. Try cooking a new recipe. Play a board game with your kids. Go for a walk. There’s not many wrong answers here, but I can tell you that reducing the role of my phone in my life has done wonders. I feel more focused, engaged, and refreshed. My stress has gone down and I’ve never been happier, even with everything that’s been going on with the election.

It’s like I’ve consciously time-traveled back to the 1990s when we weren’t so connected. I use my phone for only several things now. Phone calls (obvious), texts, listening to music, and taking photos. That’s pretty much it. All the apps and the internet browser have been deleted. I’ve also been leaving it at home when I go places. I couldn’t carry around a landline in my pocket in the 90's and I survived—no need to have a phone on me now.

The second change I made was that I stopped watching the news. That one is more recent. About two weeks before the election I’d hit my limit. The negativity and anxiety it caused was almost unbearable.

There are some that may claim I’m ignoring the problem, but I disagree. I could argue numerous reasons against that point of view now, but this post would likely double in length, which I don’t want. In a nutshell, I’m not anti-media, but I am becoming more disenfranchised by the corporations and billionaires that own the media. I think there are still many ethical journalists who report with honesty and integrity, but you have to hunt for them. I’ll likely discuss more in a future post, but there are viable alternatives available that allow you to still be informed. Consumption through the major news outlets or social media is not the only option.

Besides, I have no interest politically in what will happen in the next two years before the midterms. The Republicans have total control of the government and no one can control what they do with it. That’s wasted effort and a recipe for dysfunction. I would rather channel my energy towards other endeavors.

Which brings me to my third and final decision. I’m going to get more involved. Like I said before, I have not done enough. I would prefer to spend my time engaging with actual people and working shoulder to shoulder towards solutions than sitting at home being outraged by something I’ve read on my phone. If I’ve learned anything from the election, it’s that action matters and you can make a difference if you roll up your sleeves and get to work. Regardless of the outcome of any election, if you’re on the street getting your hands dirty, you’re making a difference in someone’s life, not to mention your own. Change will eventually come from that, but in the meantime, you should want to help simply for the sake of helping. 

I’ll close with one final thought. There is a quote often attributed to Mark Twain that says: 

“It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” 

In some ways, I think we’ve all been fooled. Most of the political disagreements I hear are really about nothing more than not wanting to be wrong. There is little to no substance to our arguments and in the end, at a basic level, we all want the same things. We’ve become incapable of ceding ground for fear we’ll be perceived as foolish if we’re wrong, but it’s time to put our pride aside and work towards a common good. I don’t care if you voted for Trump or Kamala. It really doesn’t matter, because the real path forward is not who controls the Presidency or Congress, but through everyday Americans helping each other. It’s the only way we’ll learn that we’re more alike than different.